Are YOU an enabler? Take the test

We have been discussing “enabling” of the addict lately. Again, here is the definition of the “enabler”. “An enabler is any person who reacts to the dependent in such a way as to shield the dependent from experiencing the full impact of the consequences of their behavior”.

            There is a little “quiz” that you can take to see where your weaknesses may be if you are experiencing addiction in your family. If you can see yourself in any of these tips, then those are the areas you need to acknowledge and change.

            The addict does not benefit from your protection, excuses, and love…at least, not the kind of love that is not tough.

            I sound hard and strict. Believe me, I too, am the least of the strict, and the least of the strong. But I learned. In the case of our daughter, I learned too late.

            Ask yourself which of these apply. By the way, these tips apply to many kinds of relationships; not just addiction!

·       Stop saying “yes” when you mean “no”.

·       Stop doing things for someone when she is capable of doing it herself and probably should.

·       Stop meeting people’s needs without being asked.

·       Stop doing more than your fair share of the work.

·       Stop giving more than you receive

·       Stop feeling, thinking, and speaking for others.

·       Stop guessing what others need and insist that they ask directly for what they want or need

·       Stop protecting others from the consequences of their actions

·       Stop suffering other’s consequences.

·       Stop investing more time in another’s recovery than they do

·       Make a list of obligations you are legitimately responsible for. Make another list of obligations your loved one is responsible for. If responsibilities are shared, lost the percentage of each item that each person is responsible for. Assess from the list how much you have been doing that you’re not responsible for.

·       Stop looking for your happiness in other people. Our source of happiness and well-being is not inside others; it’s inside us

·       Find a way to nurture yourself daily.

·       Feel your own feelings.

These are revealing, aren’t they?  (Rob’s Ranch Recovery Tips, Family Weekend)