ADDICTION ENABLING

What is an enabler, anyway?  Rob’s Ranch Family Education weekend defined it as this: “An enabler is any person who reacts to the dependent in such a way as to shield the dependent from experiencing the full impact of the consequences of their behavior”.

Imagine watching your toddler beginning to explore.  Keeping an eye on him, being there to catch him when he begins to fall, and steering him away from the stairs, the closing doors, the sharp objects that may have been left in reach is a constant concern.

The baby is dependent. The parent shields the dependent from experiencing the hurts from all the dangers in the house. This is not ENABLING.

However, caring for a child is in-born and a very normal behavior. Let's look at  the differences.

Enabling behavior is a “normal human response” of caring to an irrational, non-caring illness: alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, codependency, depression, and other personality disorders.

The only way to stop the cycle of protective “enabling” is to get some knowledge on the subject and examine one’s own role in this process.

Family members are part of the family illness of chemical codependency! Take that in! FAMILY MEMBERS ARE ILL TOO!! But, the family is not “crazy” though its thinking and behavior can become “crazy” ..throwing out the drugs, covering up, etc.

As the disease progresses, it takes more and more importantance in the life of the family. The disease itself begins to dominate the thoughts, actions, activities, and well-being of the entire family.

            In the struggle to control the dependent’s behavior, that very behavior begins to govern the family’s lifestyle and behaviors. The “enablers” become bound up in destructive, recurring, and predictable painful situations but continue to believe that they can control the dependent’s behavior and eventually change him.

The family does this because it cares.

We assist, we accommodate, we protect, we aid, we stand by, we nurse, we befriend, we serve, we rescue, we are loyal, we fix, we attempt control.

People like us! These qualities are admired in our culture.

However, when addictions are involved, these qualities keep the dependent sick and allow the disease to progress, because the dependent suffers NO consequences for their use.

An enabler is one (or two, or three, etc)  who takes responsibility for another person’s behavior.

             If there are not consequences to inappropriate behavior…Why should the addicted one change it?