Reaching the End of Myself.

              It has been a while since I have published an article on this blog. I really thought that I had covered it all; that any questions you might have as you were seeking answers for the addiction problem in your life would be securely answered in this blog.

     

             But no, I had not said it all. I will most likely again be writing more these days

            You see, our son had a relapse. Look up "relapse". It is a return to the addiction while in full knowledge of the dangers and while fully attempting to stay sober. That's the definition in brief.

            He fell. He failed in this instance. He succumbed.

            But that does not make him lesser of a person, or lesser of anything. We are proud of him and he has been working at recovery very hard.

            No, the problem was not with him.

            The problem was with us, his dad and I. We fell. We succumbed. We toppled.

            Dad did better than me..Mom.

            I absolutely lost it. My tears wouldn't stop. I would be visited with extreme angst, anxiety, left arm pain, chest aches, and tremendous instability.  I really couldn't believe it. I was absolutely traumatized and well, you see, I have never quite experienced anything like this before.

            Grief. Fear. Hopelessness. Despair. Instability. You name it. That was me.

            I prayed of course. At least, I tried to pray. The symptoms continued. They would jump on me at the most inopportune times!

            I finally went to the doctor. They must have thought I was bonkers.

            Well, I was.

            Then a few days later in the evening I went to the Emergency Room . I was not certain that I was not having a heart attack.

            Ha! I read the internet information. I read what women's heart attack symptoms are!

            The son, the ONE who caused all this, said to me on the phone, "mom, I can't tell you what to do. I can only recommend it, but I think you should go to Al Anon where you will learn to cope with this addiction. He was so adult in his demeanor with me and I was so "the child" in the response.

            "I (sniff sniff blubber blubber) don't know if I cannnnnnn".

            "Yes, mom you can. And Dad should go too. It will help you. But its up to you".

            So, do you know what I did?

            I went.

            I want to add this…Did you know that counselors and even psychiatrists often see counselors themselves? Yes they do. Doctors need a doctor too.

            We counsel people a lot. Husband and I just seem to fall into these situations. We are the "strong" ones. We are the carriers of the "burdens" for others many times.

            But no doubt, the TIME had come for us to get help.

            And we did.   

            I recommend Al Anon. My next article will be about the experience….If you are interested