Hope Is Alive

  The latest from Hope Is Alive Ministries.

I am not good enough. I can give you 50 reasons to back that up. My hips are too big. My hair just never seems to look right. My laundry room looks like a college dorm-room. It is simple to see that I am average. Not special in so many ways.

For many years of my life I wandered. To and from colleges, personalities, hobbies and God. I didn’t understand why people would post quotes and pictures of how grandiose life was. Because to me it seemed like a torture experiment to see who could get to Boardwalk with 2.5 kids and a gorgeous husband. Gag!

God made me wait. I wish I could tell you I knew why. That the waiting was to sharpen my skills or teach me to be patient. But, my waiting seemed like God was playing a cruel joke, leaving happiness just beyond the grasp of my clenched fist.

It turns out my waiting was SELF INFLICTED torture. In those brief fleeting moments of brave clarity I could tell you why God was making me wait but I wasn’t going to do anything about it. He was simply asking me to let go. Let go of the multiple relationships I “found” myself in.

Oh, sure God why don’t I just throw myself free falling into a bottomless pit? Jiggling and flailing the whole way down. No, thank you. I’ll just wait for the short cut. And maybe if I wait long enough or ignore it for the next few years, God will change His mind. That seemed completely rational. I feared the letting go so much that I was standing firm with my hand in the air, the first in line to offer myself up to be miserable. All because I didn’t want to be uncomfortable.

One day God did for me what I couldn’t. He around the world kicked me with the fastest leg I’ve ever seen and I found myself flailing. The situation I spent years fearing was upon me and it hurt just as much as I had anticipated. See, I received a text that one had found out about the other and as I was writing the reply trying to spin the situation; I just stopped 

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Hope Is Alive Ministries

3009 Brookhollow Road

Oklahoma City, OK 73120