Kinds of Enabling Behavior. I have seen each one of these enabling maneuvers and the family members/friends thought they were being very original!! The following “tips” are good self-examination points! Read each and let each point be absorbed to such a point that it will CHANGE YOU! ( A big thanks for this information from Rob's Ranch for the following information)
How have I.........
1. Protected the dependent from the natural consequences of his behavior?
2. Kept the dependent's behavior secret from others.
3. Made excuses for the dependent's behavior, family, friends, work, authorities, legal, school, etc.
4. Bailed the dependent out of trouble, debts, jail, fixing tickets, job, school?
5. Seen the "problem" as the result of something else: stress, job, depression, peers, family, etc.
6. Blamed others for the dependent's behavior, friends, job/boss, family members, self?
7. Avoided the dependent to keep peace?
8. Attempted to control the dependent by planning activities, choosing friends, etc?
9. Giving the dependent money; earned or unearned?
10. Made threats but never followed through for very long?
11. Done for the dependent what he is capable of doing for himself?
IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT WE LOOK AT OUR BEHAVIOR!!
Remember: You can literally love someone to death!! Never deny a person the privilege of suffering! OUCH!
Enabling has Power (false power); "The good person", "Super Mom", " Super Wife", "Great Guy", "Self-righteous," "Unselfish", "The Martyr".
The following are ROLES we play when we engage in enabling behaviors.
SAVIOR: Take on the responsibility to save the dependent. "I know I can help if I can just find the answer".
PARTNERS: Join the game in an attempt to win the dependent over.
"Right now she needs me, and we are going to lick this."
VICTIMS: Assumes self-defeat; mission in life is to suffer; becomes the “Martyr”.
TOUGHT GUY/GIRL: Trying in vain to force the dependent to change. "I'll just tell him to shape up or get out..." EMPTY THREATS.
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